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That Someone That You Wanted

I regret with every breath
that I am
not more beautiful.
Beautiful enough to enchant
you,
back to me.

If only I had been more loveable
you might have stayed,
despite my faults…
My inability to show
adoration.

I still adore you now,
after all this cruel,
relentless time.
Silently,
desperately.

Constantly.

And,
somewhere,
You breathe and
laugh and
live and
love.

Without me.

If I had just been more memorable,
Or at least,
Not quite so forgettable…
You might have given me that
second thought.

I have ghosts of feeling and laughter
that are jealous of your potency
as you still linger here,
In the air.
My own scent – lost to times gone by.

But I am too late to
be anyone
but myself.
Sick with this useless love.

It seems I am missing you

Terribly.

And I’m finding that I desperately
wish I was someone else.

That someone that you wanted.

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About GinAndTulips

Gin and Tulips; The home of the frolicking G&T Lovers. Come in, pull up a comfy seat and make yourself at home. And if you like it. Join us.

13 responses »

  1. I loved the intensity of your words! X

    Reply
  2. Thanks for visiting my blog otherwise I would not have found yours. Your poem struck a cord.. I’ve been there too, it hurts doesn’t it?

    Reply
  3. It took me 23 years to get over the man who was my “most wanted” and who my Dad
    so aptly told him, “She would have walked through fire for you!” The fact we were married
    did not mean ever, ever did I have him. I loved the expressive language that echoed some
    of my own thoughts!

    Reply
    • Wow, that is devotion. You don’t look old enough to have gone through that 🙂
      I’m glad the words worked for you, and I can’t thank you enough for telling me so 🙂

      And…I hope you walk fire for someone who watches, now.

      Reply
      • Thank you for the wonderful compliment! I am a grandma/Nana
        now. I still don’t really have the “one” yet. But that is the point of blogging, to get through the angst we are going through. I wish you much better, earlier results in your life.

      • A very glam Grandma/Nana!

        I just checked out your blog, I like your writing style. You just better start thinking of a new blog topic…as I doubt you will be looking for someone for long.

        I am happy with my lot, I have a good man. May long that continue 🙂

      • Well, I certainly hope so! I do think it gets a little tougher with my longer list of requirements. I have added please like going places where grandchildren like to go. I mean I would love to be with a man who had his own, we could take turns being heroes of the special little people world.

      • Not sure if I got back to you on this before.
        Thanks so very much!! Wow! first time ever called “glam!”

        I am sporadic in my responses, I borrow my daughter’s laptop or go to the library…. You are definitely good at your writings. I enjoy them immensely.

        Glad you are happy with your lot, also.

      • First time? Lies! 🙂

        I am also bad in my replies, I have a memory like a sieve! Although, I could tell you an event from twenty years ago, in graphic detail. Couldn’t tell you what I had for dinner last night, though 🙂

        So glad you enjoy them, it really does mean a lot.

        Thank you 🙂

      • I am not sure how easy it will be to find someone who will watch me walk through fire. I did recently tell a man I date that I would get a blanket soaking wet and huddle with him in a fire. Getting closer to the real thing.

        The man who I did have those years waiting for and caring for him, knew it and took advantage of that love and devotion, sadly.

      • Plenty will watch you. It’s the one who will carry you across, that is worth keeping.

        It is a crime; to abuse the love and trust of another. But, sadly, like you said…it happens.

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