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Conversations With Claude #1

Hello there.


Mind if I perch here?

It’s a free country. Be my guest.


No problem.

Nice to meet you; The name’s Claude.


Something funny about Claude?

Just a weird name, for a:-/

You’re talking to a Magpie and it’s my name that strikes you as funny?

I haven’t met many Claudes.

But you’ve met many Magpies?

A few.


I thought you were a pigeon.

Now who’s being funny?


You’re forgiven.

I’ve seen you about, Claude. I’ve been waiting for all the sorrow.

Why is that?

There’s that rhyme.

So you’re the superstitious kind?



You ask a lot of questions.

I like shiny things.

But I’m not shiny.

You could be.


Learn to fly.

Physically impossible.

Have you tried?

My name’s not Mary Poppins.

You’re better looking.


You need to see…

I have eyes.

I mean, see what’s in front of you.

A talking pigeon.

I’m beside you. And don’t think I didn’t see what you did there.


Are you always so sorry?

Am I dead? I’m dead, aren’t I.

No! Far from it! But you could live a little more.

Is that right? And I suppose to fly, is to live?

You see…you’re getting it.

You’re crazy. Or I am…

You’re just seeing with your eyes.

I was never blind!

Just spread your wings…

What wings? I haven’t got any, I:-/

But he was gone, a speck in the sky; leaving me out in the cold. So I walked home…with my arms spread wide.


About GinAndTulips

Gin and Tulips; The home of the frolicking G&T Lovers. Come in, pull up a comfy seat and make yourself at home. And if you like it. Join us.

11 responses »

  1. Love this! Reminds me of Ross Gardiner’s “sixes section…”

  2. That is a wonderful back-and-forth, G&T, almost like a parable. Funny and cool and perfectly written.

  3. Needs Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling to teach hum how to fly underwater.

    • Ha, I enjoyed that. Ravens are scary aren’t they. Bloody massive! I’m gonna stick with my Magpie. You know where you are, with a Magpie.

      • Ah, in America what we would call a magpie is what you would call a Raven!

        Peter Cook was, IMO, the funniest man who ever lived 🙂

      • Oh my god, hold on…my head is pickled! So, if you call a raven a magpie…what do you call a magpie?

      • Ah, well it depends where you are. See, sometime we do call them magpies and we call ravens crows, but if you are in Delaware you’d call them Speckle Birds, if you are in Southern Jersey or the steel country of Pennsylvania, you’d call them Murderflappas – out in the panhandle you call them Kentucky Bluebirds and in Iowa they call them Giraffes.

      • Seb…I don’t even know what to say! It’s all too much! Giraffe? I’m going crosseyed, taking this all in!

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